Poorboy..... I need help!

[carolina chip]

I am plagued with anguish as I am unable to answer these questions... Can you help me out?

1. Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?

2. Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?

3. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

4. Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like bass gravy?

5. What happens if you put this side up face down while popping microwave popcorn?

6. Why do dogs sniff other dog?s bottoms to say hello, why don?t they just bark in their face or something?

7. You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to people that work nights?

8. Can you put a gay man in a straight jacket?

9. David Lee Roth or Sammy Haggar?

10. You arrive at a large impoundment for a day of fishing. It?s fall and the water temperatures are falling into the sixties. Water clarity is fair to good. You and your fishing partners agree that you want to fish secondary points on the edge of creek channels. This large lake has several large creeks that you can avail yourselves of. One of the areas has lot of wood, another has an abundance of chunk rock and a third has large expansive weedbeds. Partner Bob says that you should head for the rocky areas. You say no, the best place to start is the weedy areas. You feel that wood is best during the fall of the year. Partner Bob get mad, kicks the carpet, stomps up an down in your boat and says he has to go #2 at the ramp and to please take him back! What do you do?

Regards

"Clueless in Clarkston"

[McCarter]

Dear Carolina Chip,

These are all very good questions.  I will do my best to answer them completly and accuratly.

1)  Before we can make any assumptions about Yankee Doodle, i think it is important to fully understand what macaroni meant to these fragile and dosile people.  In my studies, i have found that macaroni was often used in ceremonial rituals to rid the townspeople of evil spirits, bad luck, illness, and drought.  Having said all that, it is my belief that Yankee Doodle called his feather macaroni in hopes of having a good day on his pony.

2)  Yes

3)  Im not sure, i will have to talk to Eric Smith on that one.

4)  I have tried for years to get proper funding to start my own bass gravy flavored envelopes business.  And i wouldnt stop at bass gravy, i have a whole line of unique flavors to make mailing letters more pleasant expereince.  They keep turning me down, some people just have no vision.

5)  You wont see the 'this side up' message anymore.

6)  One of the great questions of the ages.  Just be glad us humans dont do it.  Dogs can tell a lot about other dogs by sniffing rears.  Where they have been, what they have been up to, where they are going.  Its like a history of that dogs life in one convenient sniff.  Imagine learning that much about another person by taking a whiff.

7)  First i need to know who 'they' are.  Then i can figure out what 'they' say to people who work nights.

  Im not touching that one with a 7 foot flippin stick.

9)  Its van Halen, not Van Haggar \'m/

10)  I take him back to the ramp, but beg him not to make his #2 there.  Remember, we will be using that ramp again later to trailer the boat.  So, i would tell him to use the outhouse located a few feet away. Then i use the knowledge i gained when i spent several years as a bass to find out what they are doing that day and go catch them.  My friend better think twice about stomping and kicking in my boat again or its curtains for him.  Then, we do what i want to do because we are in my boat.  then if we dont catch any fish doing it my way, i blame it on something totally ridiculous like the price of cereal these days or the over abundance of carp and helgramites and give in to fishing his spots.  Then at the end of the day, we dance the night away at The Swingers Lounge.

Hope this helps clear some things up for ya Chip and tight lines.

PoorBoy himself

P.S.  Make me a swimbait.

[Revtro]

Poorboy, with your permission, I'd like to take a stab at this one, just to help a brotha out.? Forgive me if this is presumptuous.

Dear Clueless in Clawson,

1. "Macaroni" was the term used to describe a flambuoyant and foppish dress style copied from Renaissance Italy. The line "...put a feather in his cap and called it Macaroni" implies that "Yankee doodle" is actually a simpleton (who also can't see the town for the houses).

2. Someone once said "why try to invent a better people trap" and the rest is history.

3. Illiterate people benefit nothing from alphabet soup but it contains secret messages for dyslexic people.?

4. That's fine if you're a fish, but check out Lick 'n Stick. Lick n' Stick, The self-adhesive glue that's fun to lick!  Okay, so it's your Gran's birthday, you've got the card and seal the Envelope. It tastes gross...You stick on a stamp. It tastes gross too.? Not so with new Lick n' Stick. Lick n' Stick is a specially developed self-adhesive glue which actually tastes nice! Make sure your stamps and envelopes have new Lick n' Stick!
- Available in a variety of flavours, including vegetarian friendly ones.
- All you have to do is Lick n' Stick!

5. Nothing happens. And I do mean, nothing. Apparently the instructions are written that way for a reason.
According to the nice lady from Jolly Time, a leading maker of microwave popcorn, the bottom of the bag contains a reflector that helps spread the microwave energy, which comes from the top of the oven, uniformly throughout the product. Turn the bag upside down and the popcorn will still pop, but it may take longer, and some of the corn may be dried out or scorched.

6. The actual reason is "Dogs smell each other and their secretions to monitor physiological and emotional changes," Dibra says. "It's like getting the morning paper or a hot-off-the-press tabloid."
However, here is an alternative view:

Why Do Dogs Sniff Each Other?
Author unknown

The dogs once held a meeting; they came from near and far.
Some of them came by train, and others by trolley car.

But before they got inside the hall and allowed to take a look,
They had to take their rear ends off and hang them on a hook.

Then in the hall they went at once... the Mother, son and sire.
But hardly were they seated when some "mongrel" hollered "FIRE!"

So out the door they ran all in a bunch... they had not time to look...
And each one took a rear-end, at random, from the hook.

They got their rear-ends all mixed up, which made them awful sore.
To think they didn't have the one they'd always had before.

And that's the reason you will see, when you go down the street,
Each dog will stop to swap a smell with every dog they meet.

And that's the reason why a dog will leave a nice fat bone.
To go and smell a rear-end... 'cause he hopes to find his own!

7. Screw it, go ahead and quit!? And...good luck with that.?

8. Yes, gay men love straight jackets.? They get to hug a man all day long that way.

9. I'm with Jay Kumar on this one.? "David Lee Roth IS Van Halen!!!"

10. Since you feel the wood is best that time of year, it seems clear that you're looking for an excuse to dump your annoying partner by suggesting fishing the grass.? So you're already halfway home here.? Take him back to the ramp, say "adios", give me a call, I'll come and meet you with my fishing gear in town and we'll go fish the wood.?

What would I do though?? ?If you jump up and down on my boat, you're swimming home and your stuff finds a new home on the lakes deepest structure.

[McCarter]

Nicely done Rev

Poorboy himself

[carolina chip]

This guy is from Canada and post on another forum (kevins).  Being from down south, does the fact he is from canada explain this photo or is it some other disorder?



p.s.  I think that bass is a boy 

[McCarter]

could be worse, he could be learning about a dog.

PoorBoy himself

[Revtro]

Yikes!  That's an image I didn't need floating around in my head.   

[djkimmel]

could be worse, he could be learning about a dog.

PoorBoy himself

That's exactly what I was thinking...

[djkimmel]

P.S. Make me a swimbait.

You are a swimbait. (Did it work?)

[dartag]

got to remember the canada winters is mighty long and anything looks good.  maybe a French Bass...